you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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