Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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