He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
