weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
