the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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