Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
