Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Every concussion has its silver lining
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
