btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
