i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We are all done wearing pants today
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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