he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize