a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I would fuck him just for his dog
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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