Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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