Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
