i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
