Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
