It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
