I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm too high and old for this...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
