even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
it's like iHOP with fire
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
