birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
