dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
