I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
