I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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