wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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