Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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