There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize