you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
