ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
