You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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