can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
