my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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