While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
