I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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