i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
