I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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