just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
