remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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