Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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