So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
How external is "for external use only"?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
