It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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