I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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