thus making me awesome and them whores
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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