dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
