Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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