o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize