Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize