I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
