why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
