you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
