i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
