which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
