The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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