Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
