what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
