she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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