I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
