My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My liver just had a heart attack.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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