The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
