it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
