She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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