he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize