if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
