You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
