His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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