i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
