Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
