Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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