we have officially mastered the walk of shame
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
