well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize