am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
