Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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