D3 body, D1 cock
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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